Grieving Pandemic Style (Part 2)

By: Heidi Khalil, August 21, 2022

With my brother, it was kind of unexpected. He was young, full of charisma, and filled a room with his presence and big voice, wherever he went. He was tall and strong, and always well-dressed. He was my preferred playmate when we were children, and this made it harder to come to terms with. This time the funeral came 2 1/2 weeks later… online again.

The grieving from a distance feels very inadequate, and leaves the physical connection and touch with my family members feeling as flat as the TV that I was watching it on. I found myself yelling at the people on the TV screen, when my bother’s casket was finally opened. Someone decided to stand with their back right in front of the camera man. “ Move out of the way! I cannot see! I cannot see!” I shouted. Of course, they could not hear me, as it was being live streamed. Little did they know that they were blocking me from seeing my dear brother, for the very last time.

I started complaining on the family chat text group. Other family members who could not attend were also expressing their disgust. So, some of the family members who were there started taking photos and video clips, so that those of us grieving at home in different parts of the world could get those last moments as well. Thank God for technology!

When the graveside streaming began, it had no sound and we still couldn’t see, or say goodbye to our loved one. The internet connection was quite poor in the cemetery. By this time, photos and video clips were flooding in from family who was there. I am forever grateful to them. This allowed us to share in the day in some way…even though we weren’t there. If this had not been the case, it would have been even more difficult to officially kick off this grieving process….which is what the funeral does. These things bring closure. This is when you start to realize that they are really gone, and that you can see that evidence right before you. Although it hurts, it allows a person to start letting go. When you have looked at their remains long enough to realize that their spirit is definitely gone, and that they are not breathing anymore, the release starts to come….. along with the tears and heavy heart.

I called and continue to call on my Lord Jesus everyday to comfort and to strengthen my brother’s family, as well as myself and other family members. The Lord blessed us with a beautiful soul for many years, and I am more than grateful! He has been faithful. I am just so thankful that He is mine and I am His. How would I make it through life without Him?