Personality Tests & Christians

by Heidi Khalil, April 3, 2023

Have you ever taken a personality test? Did you think it was accurate? I recently took one and while it got some basic traits about my personality correct, it did not and could not see how “God in me” navigates. Our gifts and talents are from Him. The tests cannot detect the times when the Holy Spirit lays something heavily on our hearts, which shows us to pull to the right or the left of how our flesh would handle something. When we live for Christ and have invited Him into our lives, it changes our status quo. Through Jesus Christ and the power of His Spirit, we have a different compass and will not be as predictable as those who are governed by themselves.

If we are filled with the Holy Spirit…all bets are off! Systems interrupted!

So, don’t think that these tests will fully foresee your future personally or professionally! Through the Lord, we are on God’s course. We will be growing for our entire lives….and so much more as we allow ourselves to be governed by God!



“God’s Waiting Room”… A Familiar Place

by Heidi Khalil… January 10, 2023

Here I am Lord, before your throne… I am waiting with anticipation, sitting, kneeling, standing or on my face before you. I am trying to admire the art work on the walls of your waiting room. It is a very colorful place. It has a lot going on in it. Simultaneous “life” is ever present. It’s so funny that the waiting room has many information desks that I will need to be called to at different times. I will need to see only one “Lord” for all of these issues. The older I get, I realize that this is not such a bad place, just sometimes nerve racking, to say the least. I am learning to have some fun while I wait. I am learning that you have provided some snacks while in here, and enjoy playing games with friends and family. Yes, I am getting more familiar with this place. Thanks for the cozy and comfy quilt in your waiting room. I like it.

I am learning to have a whole new appreciation for this place. When I first started coming here, I didn’t much care for it. Like a child, I thought that this place would always be associated with brevity of time, and quick victories. I didn’t understand that you had me here for reasons and seasons, beyond my understanding or control. I needed to build patience and become better at listening and communicating, to relate to those who needed me in different areas. There were also people that you positioned to teach me important lessons. But, whatever the reasons that I am in this waiting room right now in different matters, please give me the strength, love and endurance to wait on you, gracefully, and faithfully… while trying to be still and not run ahead of your time schedule. I don’t want to make stupid mistakes that will cost me in the long run. Help me to accept your love in whatever shape it takes today.

And, might I say that while I am here, thanks so much for your beautiful creation, and that the waiting room has everything you want me to have. Thank you… in Jesus Name, Amen.


Seize The Day?

by Heidi Khalil… January 8, 2023

Seize the Day. How many times have I read this or heard people refer to it? Carpe Diem… is what my kids learned when they took Latin. As a matter of fact, I remember that the first time I heard this term, I was in grade school. The teacher was trying to stress the importance of doing the best that we could in school, because we would never get a chance at that particular day again. This was such good advice, and I did carry it with me into adulthood.

Although I am not an over achiever, I still love this phrase! But, what does it mean for 99.9% of us in life, who don’t have our optimum “best life” in every area. The fact is that since we are flesh and blood, and because no one person has absolute control over their lives from day to day, we can only accomplish so much.

So, what can we do to Carpe Diem/ Seize the day? For me, it means going to God several times a day, asking for His help and guidance. It also means reorganizing or changing my short term and long term goals from time to time. No, I don’t mean asking for everything I want. What I mean is asking Him to take control, and to shine light on the paths that I should go down. I trust Him to give me the discernment to make those right decisions, and the courage to boldly go for them! Without God’s guidance, we are SUNK. If we don’t ask for God’s help with our business or finances, we will “be putting money into a bag with holes in it.” (Haggai 1:6b) This applies spiritually as well, when we don’t spend time with the Lord and cultivate a deep and lasting relationship with Him, listening as we go, our Christian walk will NOT be victorious.

Be blessed, and remember to be available for the Lord. Seize the Day!


Portal Home Educating (30 years and counting)

by Heidi Khalil ….. November 25, 2022

…. (continued from Homeschooling for 30 years) ….. For instance, let’s say that you have a child who loves animals. Find out which animals they love the most. Then proceed on a journey to teach them about these animals in every way you can, while holding onto the element of surprise and fun. You can plan… zoo/safari trips, touring the pound, library books and reports…. with full drawings and/or digital or cut out pictures, purchase one of the animals, let them join specialty animal clubs…. such as in 4H or FFA. Plan in advance, so that they can enter their animal into the fair. This is very exciting…especially if you get to stay on the fairgrounds every day. Don’t let them quit things that they start because they feel lazy. Pray through this.

I found that 4H has such a wealth of information available for you and your child in just about any area that you child would be interested in. When my older kids were small, the information was free. Later on, they started charging $1 per subject, no matter how many pages it had. Not bad at all. I couldn’t find a 4H club that worked for us, so I started one. The organization was awesome to work with. I told some of my other friends that were homeschooling and wanted these experiences for their children too. We ended having our meetings during the day, with lunch and the children got to do different activities as a class. We had sewing and cooking taught by one of our moms who had a PHD in home economics. We went on many field trips. We had woodworking class, and they all were able to make many projects to enter into the fair. My children have so many ribbons and trophies from things like showing goats, fine arts, baking bread, etc. at the county fair. The children would also leave with quite a hefty check in prize money for their entries. It was always a special time, and they learned so much, and are empowered to perform so many things that their traditionally educated piers wouldn’t have the confidence to attempt.

One weekend we were at a camp, where the lady’s restroom had a toilet that was constantly running. My teen daughter instinctively took the cover off the back of the toilet and fixed it in about 5 minutes. She used to work for my husband with his construction/handyman business from time to time and knew exactly what to do when tools or parts were not readily available. Another positive bonus is that children who are taught these life skills know that food comes from farms, not grocery stores. They are not strangers to growing gardens and raising & harvesting the meat from farm animals raised for the table. In times of great challenges in life, I know that my kids and their friends whose parents took this same route, know what to do as adults to keep their families fed & clothed.


Homeschooling For 30 Years!

by Heidi Khalil ….. November 21, 2022

IT IS NOT EASY! Do not buy into any visions of grandeur from anyone who makes homeschooling seem like it is smooth sailing or glamorous. It’s in my top 3, of the hardest things that I have ever done in my life. The early years were brutal for me. I am more of an artist, free-spirit type of person. I had to learn how to be still. I had to learn that when you are teaching your children to read, you can’t take very many days off. The setbacks are too costly. Although I had some mentoring, the grind, day in and day out, when everyday life didn’t stop, was humongous. For instance, a schoolteacher has: a lunch lady, janitor, P.E. Teacher, art teacher, music teacher, teacher’s assistants, and planning periods (when you can have quiet time). A Home School Mom does not have these luxuries. In most cases, she has minimal help, at best. So, my crockpot and instant pots became my trusted “lunch ladies”…. Gertrude and Matilda, by name. Private music lessons, and P.E. with other local homeschoolers was a bonus. Art through you tube worked well. And, endless unique experiences, and the opportunity to stretch one’s imagination gave the children a much broader view of what they could be or do.

Hands on Learning

We (home school moms) also have a “one room schoolhouse”. This means that you may be teaching a 10th grader and have a new baby, like I did … with several grades and ages in between. So, why do it?…… Because it is the most beautiful and natural thing in the world. You can tailor make your child’s education to suit them, and you can have loads of meaningful memories with them. I also spent a lot of one-on-one time with the Lord, crying out to Him for strength and help, in this beautiful thing of teaching my children. It grew my children and myself.

I did run into countless challenges though. However, prayer was my key. The Lord came through over and over. My oldest daughter told me that she wanted to be a math teacher when she was in middle school. Then, the fear set in. Higher math is a challenge for me. After praying through it, and getting counsel, I was able to provide a math curriculum that came with a live tutor, who had a PHD in mathematics! We had access to him via phone, whenever we didn’t understand something. This did not come at any additional costs! I also bought the curriculum used. You just never know until you try. This was quite a long time ago…before everything was on you tube.

Boundless Creativity!

A student without inspiration is a very sad student. So, I had to learn how to inspire each child, by following their lead. I know this may sound strange to some, but I had to learn which things inspired each of my children. When I learned about what they liked, I found out through trial and error, that it is so much easier and worthwhile to bring their education through these portals. This was when I learned that traditional education misses the mark in so many ways. When a child is actually interested in what they are learning, they learn eagerly, and retain the information so much better.


Holy Emissions

by Heidi Khalil, October 20, 2022

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As I was having devotions this morning something started to take shape in my mind and heart. It was stemmed from reading Psalm 18: 20-30. The thought that our behavior as Christians matters, seems to now be an old-fashioned idea. It no longer seems to be in line with Christian pop culture. But our conduct and disposition matter to the Lord. We need to stand on the word and the strength of God. We need to cry out to Him when we feel weak.

So, the question is raised. How do we do this? It is not of our own strength. This much is true. It is Christ within us. However, this does not negate that once we have given our lives to the Lord, as much as it lies within our power, that we need to make God-directed choices.

Sometimes as Christians, it seems that we live with question marks on our faces and above our heads in a thought bubble, as to why we fail many times at drawing closer to our Lord. I am convinced that much of it lies within our “fuel” that feeds our mind and spirit. What we take in, has a DIRECT IMPACT on what is emitted from us.

Photo by Francesco Paggiaro on Pexels.com

“Dark” fuel will only give us bad or toxic emissions. Examples of these would be taking in media into our daily lives that include black magic, wizards, witches, filthy language, sexually charged and or explicit content. There is enough of that stuff that pushes its way into our lives every day, just from interacting with society. What about watching mindless content, like endless pranks and such, that fill the mind, but not the spirit? But, of the things in our lives that we have free choice over, what are we choosing?

Maybe in this world filled with so much dark fuel, we need to be reminded of what clean fuel looks like. Clean fuel would be scripture reading, with contemplation and prayer. Another fuel source would be singing and/or picking up a musical instrument and doing it to the glory of God, no matter how simple or different…. or just making music choices that are truly uplifting. Take the 30 minutes to start a Christian music playlist on your device, or to download an audio Bible/Missionary/ Testimony app, so that you are being strengthened and encouraged. Follow a Christian blogger who lifts up God on their site. Become more involved in your church prayer group or outreach. If there is not one, start it. The future of God’s church is on the line. Please make sure that you have done your part so that what comes out of you will be “Clean Emissions” …. full of the presence of God. You will be surprised at the things that will come out of you. Set yourself up for success in the Lord and create a space in your heart where the Holy Spirit has free reign!



Grieving Pandemic Style (Part 2)

By: Heidi Khalil, August 21, 2022

With my brother, it was kind of unexpected. He was young, full of charisma, and filled a room with his presence and big voice, wherever he went. He was tall and strong, and always well-dressed. He was my preferred playmate when we were children, and this made it harder to come to terms with. This time the funeral came 2 1/2 weeks later… online again.

The grieving from a distance feels very inadequate, and leaves the physical connection and touch with my family members feeling as flat as the TV that I was watching it on. I found myself yelling at the people on the TV screen, when my bother’s casket was finally opened. Someone decided to stand with their back right in front of the camera man. “ Move out of the way! I cannot see! I cannot see!” I shouted. Of course, they could not hear me, as it was being live streamed. Little did they know that they were blocking me from seeing my dear brother, for the very last time.

I started complaining on the family chat text group. Other family members who could not attend were also expressing their disgust. So, some of the family members who were there started taking photos and video clips, so that those of us grieving at home in different parts of the world could get those last moments as well. Thank God for technology!

When the graveside streaming began, it had no sound and we still couldn’t see, or say goodbye to our loved one. The internet connection was quite poor in the cemetery. By this time, photos and video clips were flooding in from family who was there. I am forever grateful to them. This allowed us to share in the day in some way…even though we weren’t there. If this had not been the case, it would have been even more difficult to officially kick off this grieving process….which is what the funeral does. These things bring closure. This is when you start to realize that they are really gone, and that you can see that evidence right before you. Although it hurts, it allows a person to start letting go. When you have looked at their remains long enough to realize that their spirit is definitely gone, and that they are not breathing anymore, the release starts to come….. along with the tears and heavy heart.

I called and continue to call on my Lord Jesus everyday to comfort and to strengthen my brother’s family, as well as myself and other family members. The Lord blessed us with a beautiful soul for many years, and I am more than grateful! He has been faithful. I am just so thankful that He is mine and I am His. How would I make it through life without Him?


Grieving……..Pandemic Style

By, Heidi Khalil, August 19, 2022…………….. (Part One)

GRIEF…. how do we face it, when the world has become such a smaller place since the onset of this crazy pandemic? Just about everyone knows that it is healthy to grieve. But, what about when you cannot be there to bid farewell to your loved one in person?

During this pandemic, I have had to say good-bye to my mother and brother from afar. My mother passed during the hard lock downs, in another country over 3,000 miles and oceans away. This was when planes were grounded, and nothing moved. She was elderly, and we expected that this could happen at any time, as she was in declining health for many years. At that time, people who normally travelled were laying low, until the “storm” blew over.

I started the grieving process as well as I could, but it was so disconnected and incomplete. It left me feeling anxious, on edge, and with a deep sadness. I couldn’t seem to grieve properly. There were a couple of short services that were live streamed…. following her death, but they left me hanging on…like a movie that didn’t have a proper ending.

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However, it seems that the only way to get on a plane and travel at that time was if you were deceased. There seemed to be no problem with my mother’s body boarding a flight and travelling across continents to her burial place. The main service for her ended up being held 2 months later…. online. It was well attended, and nicely done. The service ended up lasting for 5 hours with the mourners, and an additional 2-3 hours was spent on the same platform with the family members just talking and reminiscing, comforting each other. It was then that I started feeling that she had been put to rest. I felt my whole body starting to relax. Even though the tears were rolling, I was starting my process. Things got a little better day by day.


Quail For Meat & Eggs….in the city or country

by Heidi Khalil, August 17, 2022

Some of the finest restaurants in the world have quail dishes gracing their menus. And, why shouldn’t they? Quail has a fine, delicate flavor. The meat is tender, and when prepared properly, is a beautiful experience that one cannot easily forget!

I first started raising quail about 7 years ago. I had already raised chickens, cows, goats and sheep. I tried many different breeds of each type of livestock. I know how expensive the start up is. However, quail is a game changer when it comes to the hobby farm or homestead whether it be rural or urban.

Quail Eggs for the family!

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  • Facility Set up- Quail are small, and need to be protected from extreme cold and extreme heat. So, they need an insulated small shed or something like it, with a little window for natural sunlight. Your weather conditions will dictate if you need air condition/heat. There are many different types of quail set ups. It takes time, but it can actually be quite fun to set up a quail home that will work for your specific needs.
  • Food- We fed a proper quail feed with the right protein amount needed that didn’t have growth hormones or additives. We also put hardware cloth on top of the feeders, so that the quail would not waste it. THEY LOVE TO SWING FEED OUT AND IT WILL WASTE IF YOU DON’T DO THIS! This trains them to be careful if they want to eat. They don’t eat too much, so a 50lb bag of quail feed can last quite a while, depending on how many you have.
  • Quail need something to do with their energy, so they will need a little sand container to take sand baths in. This will keep down any type of microscopic insects that may try to bother them. It also keeps their feathers in great shape. You can put a little roosting stick through their cage for those who would like to be on the branches. But to each his own.
  • The breed that I have had the best experience with is the Coturnix. These quail hatch out in about 17 days in an incubator… and grow very fast, naturally. They are ready for the table in about 3 short months or less. The eggs are plentiful and nutritious. Sometimes, I cook up 5 to have for my breakfast….. Absolutely scrumptious!
  • With quail, you can easily hatch out about 100 at a time. An incubator will run you about $100-$200 each…. if you cannot find a used one. You can start for a lot less, but to be on the safe side, and for the sake of argument, let’s say that you can set up a nice little homestead quail operation for about $500-$900. Each situation will be different , depending on your weather and infrastructure. But, the best thing about quail is their versatility. Land prices have soared in recent years, and with quail, you don’t need to go broke on land. You can start your urban homestead dream now!


Juicers Galore! Where To Begin

by Heidi Khalil, August 14, 2022

Juicing has been such a part of my life since I was a child. (My Daddy was a health nut before it was cool. You know, when people who spoke a lot about health were looked upon as weirdos. They drank and ate strange looking stuff. Their juice was bright orange or bright green. They ate sandwiches with whole wheat bread, grated carrots and natural peanut butter in them. They took natural vitamins, power shakes and ate lots of over priced protein bars from Shaklee and such. They exercised religiously and talked about enzymes, nutrition, and wouldn’t touch any food with refined sugar or flour. My Dad was this. Some of my first memories of outings with my Dad were to a health food store in the Bronx, NY. He used to take us kids to a store called “The Purple Pickle”. It was full of all kinds of healthy food. We would get various items, but Dad always bought us sesame seed candy, sweetened with honey. It was such a treat.) However, something that was always present in my life was…..you guessed it…..carrot juice.

We have already established that carrot juice is a great asset to one’s diet. But, the big question is…..what kind of juicer do I buy? If you have ever tried to buy one, you know exactly what I am talking about! There are so many different kinds out there, each claiming superiority over the other. I do not claim to be an expert in this area, but I will share with you what I have learned.

The first juicer that I remember when I was growing up was something that was shiny stainless steel and a weird yellowish green color. It was big and heavy, and had about a gazillion parts to wash after the big juicing mess was completed. After time, my Mom hated it for that reason. At that time, my Dad was so busy with ministry and church work that he didn’t take it out very often. With thought in mind, let’s say that our first need in a juicer is…ease of use.

The next one I remember in my childhood was the Oster. It was much cheaper, and had plastic everything. So, it was lightweight, and had less parts to wash than the first. I think my Dad went through a few of those over the years. Its “ease of use” was by far it’s best attribute. It wasn’t very expensive, and provided lots of cold, glorious carrot juice. So, keep practicality in mind.

As the years went by, I was married, and had purchased an Oster myself. I starting juicing carrots often enough to come to enjoy the ease of using the Oster. After some years, a friend gave me her old Champion. I have mixed feelings about the Champion that many people rave about. The Champion is HEAVY, and odd shaped. The juice can become warmish if your blade gets a little dull, and they are not cheap to replace. The heat can kill some of the nutrients! It has even been warm enough at times to slightly change the color. Not good! But, if your budget allows you to keep up with the parts, and you have enough counter space to make a permanent home for your Champion, it may work just fine for you. It will work for years and years.

I have also received glowing reviews about the Nama from my oldest sister. She says it is the best juicer that she has ever had. You load it, and do something else in the kitchen, as it is doing it’s job. She has absolutely no complaints with it. She had a Jack LaLanne first…liked it just fine. Then a Kuving, and got many good years of service from it. When she updated, she gave the Kuving away to a family member who is still using it. Masticating juicers work at a slower speed and then push the juice through their screening…therefore retaining more nutrition….. or that is one school of thought. I think that these juicer brands should be studied out, and one should choose the model that would work best for what you do (whether it be juicing primarily either carrots or greens) and your individual budget. When making your decision, remember to look at the amount of parts to clean, and the weight…..especially if you don’t have counter space to keep it permanently set up. However, if you cannot afford or cannot find one, and just start with what you can. Don’t forget to check Facebook Marketplace or craigslist, estate sales, etc. You might also make it known in your circle of family & friends or group, that you are looking for a juicer. Sometimes people have them stored in their cupboards for donkey years and will just give them to you! If you don’t ask, you will not receive. I hope that this gives you a good starting point. CLICK HERE for great skin care products


Carrot Juice Alive!

by Heidi Khalil, August 12, 2022

If ever there was a one choice power house, health building, weight reducing, disease fighting champion among foods, in my opinion, it would be carrot juice! Fresh, cool, glorious, carrot juice, in my experience cannot be beaten. It actually feels like my cells are being nourished all at once when I drink it. I feel like I am pouring in rocket fuel for my body, and feel like the rocket boosters are firing up! Whenever my weight has gotten out of control or I have feel the flu coming on, or even if I just feel weak, carrot juice has been my go-to power drink. And, it has never let me down. It is full of enzymes. In case you don’t know, enzymes speed up our metabolism, and aids our bodies in building healthy cells. They also help our bodies digest food more easily. Carrot juice is loaded with various B vitamins, magnesium, and a whole boat load of potassium. Many people have experienced astonishing health results from drinking carrot juice. There are endless you tube videos and books about folks getting better or losing their health problems altogether, by using carrot juice.

Even if a person doesn’t like to eat salad or some other healthy type food, carrot juice can stand in and help tremendously. If you don’t believe me, just try it! Don’t be afraid to add some apples if you would like it a little sweeter.

If you would like to use it as a weight loss aid, or weight control form, forget diet pills or other unnatural methods. Just juice carrots. Drink 8-12 ounces for breakfast or supper, followed by water and you will see and feel the benefits. It has been my experience that it has also cleared my skin and revitalized it. So, don’t be afraid, just give it a try. Oh, and did I mention that they are way more economical than spinach or any other veggie or fruit that I have come across? Start with finding some healthy looking, juicing carrots. I bought 50lbs just this past weekend for $37.99. They have been outstanding thus far.

Please feel free to let me know about your experience with carrot juice!

Have a blessed and healthy week.

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Jessica’s Legacy ( Part 3)

by Heidi Khalil, July 18, 2022

(Jessica pictured above)

One day, as the D.J. began interviewing a new local artist, she met another man there who had a discipleship program, sponsored by him and his wife. They provided Christian mentorship and safety for young people who were singers. He invited Jessica to meet with them and see if she was interested in joining the program. She wasn’t sure about it, but decided to give it a try. She actually found out that she knew some of the young ladies in the program.

The leader of the program introduced her to a young man named Dee. Dee worked the sound equipment. Jessica rolled her eyes when she met him. She thought that he was a guy who was handsome, and he knew it. She was not impressed with him.

The Lord began to grow her more and more. She began to realize that her sons needed a father. She was still talking to her youngest son’s father, and they had talked about the possibility of getting married. But, something wasn’t right. This weighed on her mind heavily. Jessica was in quiet contemplation one day when Dee could tell that something was wrong with her, and asked her if he could pray with her. She was taken back because she had never been around a young man who had wanted to pray for her. She agreed, and the Lord started to unfold His will to her. He showed her that if she married her son’s father, she would be miserable. He was not the one that God had for her.

The discipleship program went on a trip to Nashville, and excitement was in the air for the young musicians. This was when she started to get to know Dee more.

Dee was a young man who had grown up in a strong, Christian family. He was personable and helpful. He had been home schooled, along with his 7 siblings, and had a grandmother who was well known in the city of Tulsa, for her care of the poor and the down trodden. As the trip continued, she came to the knowledge that she had misjudged Dee, and that he was a really humble and kind, Christian, young man. They spent a lot of time getting to know each other on the trip and continued after they returned home. They enjoyed each others company immensely.

She started to grow feelings for him, but the enemy kept planting the seed of lies in her mind like…. she wasn’t good enough for a guy like that. (The lies straight from hell continued like this: He could never love someone like her, much less become the father to three boys who were not his. She didn’t deserve anything good. She had no value.) But the truth was that he showed true concern for her welfare and her spiritual life.

As Jessica continued to draw closer to God, He began to reveal himself to her and speak to her in different ways that were very significant. When she was 21, and Dee was 25 or so, he would get on the floor and play with her children. There was a lot of brokenness within her and she struggled with his displays of love and care toward her and her children.

Eventually, Dee shared with Jessica the depths of his affections for her, and said that he would like to settle down and marry her, and become a father to her children. He said that he had always known in his heart that he would eventually marry a lady who had children. The Lord had put it in him, so he wasn’t afraid. She said yes, and the two were united in Holy Matrimony.

Two years later they welcomed a gorgeous baby girl, followed by another pretty little girl after that. Isn’t God good! After marriage, she felt loved, but still struggled for quite some time with receiving this healthy love.

Jessica and Dee have been married for almost 2 decades now. They have adult children, who were brought up in a Christian home…. (and one daughter-in-law). Their family is a testament of the goodness of God, and how He can take our brokenness and bring about restoration in those who put their trust in him. This couple continues to put their trust in God, and is fully aware that to put their trust in the works of their own hands doesn’t end well. Jessica admits that marriage is hard, and always a work in progress. There is no married couple on earth who can disagree with that. She told me that she and Dee want to leave a Godly legacy for their children, that doesn’t give up, and continues growing and holds on even through difficult times. CLICK HERE for great skin care products

(Jessica & Dee, pictured above)

This couple resides in a suburb of Tulsa, OK, where Jessica is primarily a home maker, and works as a hair dresser part-time ,while homeschooling their last 2 school aged children. Dee makes his living as a professional graphics designer. If you happened to pass Jessica somewhere, you would never guess what this classy looking, young lady has been through. But, she has been renewed! Dee and Jessica’s sons and daughters are polite and pleasant young people. Their mother serves as a beacon of hope to anyone who will hear her testimony of God’s faithfulness toward her. Dee is a big, strong, Christian man, with a wife who loves him deeply and dearly. He is a pillar. He is very talented and has a great, big, teddy bear personality. May the Almighty be with them and their children as they continue to fight the good fight of faith.




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When the gang came for him, they started beating the “stuffing” out of him. He was savagely beaten in her presence. She kept trying to run from him as these guys laid into him, but he wouldn’t let go of her. A gang member finally pulled her out of the place. As they were getting ready to take her, her boyfriend made a mad dash from them. The guy pulled out a gun and was about to shoot him in the back. She screamed, “NO!” It was alarming enough that the guy didn’t end up shooting him. For some reason they left quickly, leaving her behind. She said, “They could have taken me, and done Lord knows what to me, but God was watching out for me.”

After that near death situation, they left Albuquerque, and moved to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. This was where her boyfriend was from, and this is when he started smoking crack cocaine, and became addicted to it. One day he beat Jessica up so badly that the blood vessels in her face were broken.

By this time, they had decided to move back to Tulsa, Oklahoma, where her boyfriend was soon arrested shortly after for robbing a bank. He was sentenced to 15 years in prison.

Bertie took Jessica into her home with open arms. She had been gone for one year, and had seen more ugliness, at the ripe age of 13, than most people see in a life time. She was so happy to be with Bertie, and very grateful. Bertie took her outside of her surroundings to see more than herself. She showed her that she had value. But all of a sudden, the reality of her larger than life experience started hitting her, when she found out that she was pregnant. She was in shock. She knew that there was no question, she wanted to keep her child. Love was on the horizon, and it arose from a place deep inside of her.

When she gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Bertie became the best “grandma”, and “mother”, that Jessica could imagine. Bertie began training Jessica in so many areas. She was a rock. She was always there, always loving and extremely kind. Jessica began attending school and church again, and things seemed to be going well.

Oftentimes, when people try to clean up their lives, there are setbacks where the person will go backward for a time. The same was true for fifteen year old Jessica, and she became pregnant with her second child at that age, and attempted to take her life. She was placed in a mental hospital for minors. Bertie took care of her son while she was trying to pull herself together. This woman had an unwavering faith in Jessica, and held down the fort for her. She did not want her son to be taken away from her.

When Jessica returned from the hospital, she felt renewed, and started believing Bertie…. that she had value, and was more than her current situation and traumatic history. Jessica began to stand on her own two feet and got an apartment, and began to attend a high school for unwed mothers.

Things continued to look up for her. She found a life-long outlet. It was singing and songwriting. She wrote songs to express her deepest, most heart-felt thoughts, as her singing voice got better and better.

While in high school, Jessica enrolled in the “Job Core”. This is where she was taught marketable skills for the work force, so she could support her two boys. Bertie stayed close by her side through all of this season of growth.

When Jessica became pregnant a third time, from a new boyfriend, Bertie had a conversation with her that changed her life forever! She said, “Jessica, I cannot do this anymore. I cannot keep watching you make these self-destructive decisions.” Her heart sank. The only person who had ever believed in her, with a healthy and unconditional love was fed up with her behavior. She could hear it in her voice, and she felt the weight of disappointing this wonderful, kind “mother”. Then true to her word, Bertie put distance between them.

Jessica started to feel extreme loneliness like she had never known. She was praying continually, and scriptures that she had memorized and heard as a child started to flood her mind and heart. She started feeling the presence of God.

One day as she was praying, and pouring out her heart before God, she physically felt the arms of her father in heaven enfold around her and hold her, taking away the loneliness…bringing comfort and so much love! He had revealed himself in a very personal way. All of a sudden, she got it. She started saying it out loud. “He’s real! He’s real!” She was reminded of the scripture that says: “So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:11)

The song, “As The Deer”, started to have a whole new meaning, as her heart started to pant after a real, living, risen Savior. Her heart was being transformed, and she could feel the presence of the one who was living inside of her.

As she began in this new walk with the Lord, big changes began to happen in her life. Her music became something that was at the forefront of her life, as she was praising God through it. Her 3 precious boys were healthy and growing well, and Bertie had come back into her life. She was actively involved in church, and got an internship at a radio station, shadowing a D.J.

(to be continued….)


Jessica’s Legacy (Part One)

by Heidi Khalil…….. July 5, 2022

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(The Testimony of a preteen runaway, turned single mother, who escaped a life filled with trauma and more horror than words can say. What kind of legacy will we all leave behind, when God sees fit for us to leave this earth? Will our lives have meant anything to God or anyone else? Will our children be inspired by how we conquered our sins and fears? Will they draw strength to help them serve God more intimately from their memories of us? Please sit tight, and read this testimony unlike any other that I have ever heard.)

I had the awesome privilege of interviewing a special lady named Jessica recently. It so happens that I met her when she was about 9 or so, at church. I always was touched by her sincerity and quiet strength. She was captured in my wedding video, when she was a little girl. We have had a good relationship. With Jessica, what you see is what you get. She is insightful and deep.

Jessica was a sickly baby. Her biological mother didn’t know how to take care of her, so her mother’s sister took care of her. Her father was in and out of prison for many years, and was feared by everyone in the “hood” that he called home. He was a career criminal, who was a walking nightmare. By 6 months old, she was malnourished, and the doctors did not think that she would make it. Time after time, she was shuffled between her aunt and her grandmother. Her aunt’s place was an unsafe environment, and the abuse and trauma began at a tender age.

At 5 years of age, she was sent to live with her other grandmother, her father’s mother. She was physically safer now. She joined her full sibling, an older sister there. She adored her grandmother, and she always stayed in close proximity to her. However, her grandmother lived in fear of her biological son (Jessica’s father). He had beaten his mother badly in the past with an iron skillet to her head. Every time he was out of prison, they were afraid that he would show up and terrorize them. The fear was so bad that her grandmother’s husband was afraid to live with his wife. He had been threatened repeatedly, and wasn’t interested in being assaulted or worse. They stayed married until he died many years later, but only lived together during times when her son was in prison for long periods of time.

After time, Jessica started to become more healthy. Her grandmother was known for making delicious, authentic Mexican food from scratch. She was a lady who had issues and a past of her own, but Jessica’s physical needs were taken care of.

Jessica loved that her grandmother took her and her sister to church consistently. She loved the positive attention that she got there from the church body. She was able to enjoy many activities, and learned Bible memory verses. One lady from the church in particular named Bertie, lived a couple of blocks away. She wanted to see Jessica and her sister succeed in life. She always went out of her way to help them in any way she could. She also was the only person that Jessica ever met who would stand up to her biological father. She refused to fear him. She would stand up for these 2 little girls in the face of this hardened criminal! And much to everyone’s surprise, he took whatever tongue lashing she gave him.

Although her grandmother’s house was so much better in so many ways, there was a “critical spirit” exhibited on a regular basis. It seemed that no matter how hard she tried to please everyone in the home, she was mocked often, and affection was held back from her. This allowed angry feelings to grow in her, that turned into rage, and trust was no longer present in her heart.

When she turned 11, her grandmother went away for a while, and left Jessica and her sister with their teenage uncle in charge of them. He let them have people over, and this was when Jessica became sexually active, and started “acting out”.

Shortly after, she started skipping school and spending time with her 20 year old boyfriend. She felt like she no longer wanted to stay in the home of her grandmother. In her rage and distrust, and desire to be with her boyfriend, she ended up being put into a group home, after a reunification with her biological mother failed.

By age 12, she had a different boyfriend, who was 23. She lied about her age to him. He thought he was in the clear, as Jessica did not look or act her age by now. Be that as it may, they decided to run away from Oklahoma to the state of New Mexico. She had decided that she wanted to be with him and not the strangers at the group home. Her boyfriend struggled with drug addiction and had become abusive. At some point during this time, she revealed her true age to him. He became irate, and got very angry with her. At that point, he started becoming more protective of his 12 year-old lover.

The drug addiction started to dictate life for them. Jessica became used to the beatings from him. She no longer had any self-respect left at all. At some point, her boyfriend decided that he was going to steal some drug money from a local gang. They were living in a cheap motel, and trying to stay hidden, but the gang discovered them.

( to be continued….) CLICK HERE for skin care products



by Heidi Khalil

June 17, 2022

I would like to wish a happy day to all of the dads out there! As this Father’s Day began to get closer, I started to think about what makes a dad special. I have only ever had one Daddy. He was very present in my life as a child and as an adult, until he passed away several years ago. My Dad was a pastor, and I got to witness a lot of men failing as dads because he was usually counseling them for one reason or another. Yet, I always understood from my Dad, that he felt that he didn’t know how to be a “dad”, because his dad died when he was 5. I have different memories of him, especially when I was a teen, of him apologizing because he was trying to do his best, but didn’t know if he was hitting the mark.

While I was growing up, there seemed to be a type of stereo typing of what a good dad was supposed to look like. My Dad didn’t fit this stereo type for so many reasons. So, as a tribute to so many dads who feel like somehow they missed the mark. This one is for you.

My Daddy, was an awesome father to me. He was pretty easy going and VERY GENTLE. He was a life long pastor. What you saw was what you got. He was the same at home as he was in church. He read the Bible and sang praises with us everyday. He was a sharp dresser and an avid reader. He woke us up with a good sized hand bell every morning, to call us to worship. He was very tall and had extremely big hands. He couldn’t fix many things. However, he could fix shingles on the roof, and change the tires and oil on the car. He and Mom painted inside our house, and were fond of stick on tiles (lots of people had them back in the day). He used to go bike riding with us on occasion, and used to make me a big tumbler of carrot juice most mornings, when I was a teen.

My Daddy was into health. He made sure that I got my vitamins, and that I was protected. He used to give the best foot rubs, and was convinced that people needed them on a regular basis. He was retired by the time I was 13. He was the age of my friend’s grandfathers. But he looked so good for his age that it never seemed to be an issue.

He took my friends and I to the park on senior skip day in our huge station wagon, that sat 8 people. We had a cookout and he sat and read his paper, oblivious….or so I thought (I finally figured it out as I got older). He had agreed to take us, if we would feed him. My friends were so impressed, and a little confused. We had such a lovely day.

He was good with my husband and my children. He would come over and help me on my farm. He rode “shotgun” in so many of my country endeavors.

In all of his feelings of inadequacy, I found him to be an excellent father! His imperfections were very minor in comparison to what we were given. I was consistently given positive messages about who we were as a family and what we stood for. I was complimented on my abilities that I excelled in, as well when I looked nice, but he didn’t make too much of a big deal out of it, just enough to let me know that he acknowledged it. (He didn’t want us to get a big head.) This is huge for any child, or teen. Confidence was instilled in me by both of my parents.

My take away is this….You don’t have to fit anyone’s mold, to be a good father. Men with strong, Godly character make good dads. If a dad treats his children how he would like to be treated, teaches them how to follow Christ by word and by example, makes sure that they are physically and spiritually safe, these are the main things.

So Dads, stay close to God, and hang out with your children. Make sure that they have enough confidence in you to trust you with their hearts. Teach them what you know. You will tie strings of fellowship with them that will stand the test of time. Have a fabulous day!


The Goat Lady and the Neighbor!

by Heidi Khalil, March 24, 2022

About 25 years ago, I needed some fresh goat’s milk. I was just starting to tend goats, and I had an orphan baby goat that needed some milk. I called around to a few of my farmer friends and was given a name and phone number of an elderly couple who had about 100 dairy goats. I called the number and spoke with a friendly lady named Ethel. She gave me the address and I drove the 15 minutes to her house.

Upon arriving, my son got out and unlatched the gate, as instructed on the phone call. We drove in, and the gate was re-latched. The house could not be seen from there. There were plenty of trees, and as we continued down the long driveway, we finally came to a neat, stone, ranch-style house, with beautiful dairy goats of various breeds grazing and gracefully walking around with their heads held high. The kind lady and elderly husband came out to meet me. They were in their 70’s. They were having the time of their lives being dairy goat farmers, after retirement from the hospitality industry some years before. They got married to each other while in their late 40’s. The window for having children had escaped them. However, they were spry, strong, and loved their post retirement lives. They were financially stable and on the frugal side. I found them both to be kind and wise. They were full of goat milk knowledge and statistics off of the top of their heads at a moment’s notice.

This hobby farm was a goat’s dream. Beautiful lush, green grass was everywhere. The barns were clean, bright and the goat’s every need was taken care of impeccably. The couple had plenty of goat milk customers, who had been assigned different days to pick up their portion of milk. Ethel told me that she had an extra gallon that she could sell me. She didn’t have enough milk to keep me set up until my next mama goat (doe) gave birth, where I could share the milk with the orphan kid, but for the present this was satisfactory. However, we chatted and she told me about some young females (doelings) that she would be selling soon. I took a look at them, as I was building my herd. She had lovely well-bred animals. Her prices were more than fair. I was interested.

I was so impressed at how strong and youthful this couple was. One day I asked Ethel about her health regiment after I had known her for a few years. She said, “Honey, I drink that goat’s milk three times a day!” Then she demonstrated her firm grip by grabbing my hand. I was entirely impressed. Her hand not only felt strong, but strong enough to be the grip of a seasoned cattleman in his prime of life! I couldn’t fathom that goat milk alone was responsible for what seemed like this fountain of youth. But she and her husband were convinced of it.

As the years went by, she became a treasured farmer friend. We were not super close, but we would visit each others homes and shared a few meals together over the years. Then one day she told me that her husband had passed away. She was alone on her farm with her goats. She began to need more help, and she hired a few young teen boys to help her keep things up. She put in a brand new commercial steel barn with sunlight penetrating roof panels. It was so nice even in the winter when it was cold outside, the sunlight was shining in the barn.

Ethel was a no-nonsense kind of lady, and her mind was sharp. She didn’t miss much of anything. I can still picture her expressions. They were priceless. She gave no pretenses…. what you saw is what you got!

Quite often, I would meet up with her neighbor. He and his family lived right down the road less than a one minute drive away. They helped her so much: hauling hay, lifting feed bags, fixing frozen water pipes, tending to goats and anything else she needed help with. The man of the family was an airplane mechanic. He was like the son she never had. He was patient, kind, extremely helpful and dependable both before and after Ethel’s husband died. His wife was kind to Ethel, and they had a teen-age son that had been around Ethel since he was a little one.

I had seen Ethel at Walmart a couple of times, after a long stent of not seeing her. She told me that she had scaled down her goat farm to about 8 goats, and that she had had cataract surgery, so she hadn’t been driving much. By this time she was well into her 80’s….possibly close to 90. I know maybe I shouldn’t have, but I just had to look into her buggy. Her physical strength always fascinated me. What I saw was, organic spinach, tomatoes, onions and a 6 pack of Coca Cola. Oh well, I figured that must have been her vice beverage of choice. I told her that I would stop by soon.

About 3 weeks later, I stopped by and made my journey down the long driveway. However, what I found shocked me. She wasn’t home and her house looked all closed up. This was milking time. Where was she? CLICK HERE skin care products

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Pexels.com

I stopped at the neighbor’s home. He said that she had taken a fall and broke her hip. She had to have hip surgery. He and his son were taking care of the farm, and he gave me the name of the hospital. When I called her, and she told me that she was about to “spring out of there”. She just couldn’t wait! Then, she got the news that she would have to be put into the local nursing home for about 3 months to get physical therapy before she could move back into her house by herself. She didn’t LOVE this idea, but realized that this was her reality. When she was released from the hospital and put into the local nursing home, I went to visit her. She hated being there. She was used to lots of fresh air, healthy food (except for the Coca Cola), playing with her goats, and working on her tractor. We had a good visit though.

At the next visit about a month later, she was feeling good and progressing, but a little perturbed. She told me that her nieces had visited her while she was there for the first time in YEARS! Out of the blue, they seemed to be concerned for her well-being and were trying to talk sweetly to her. She told me that they were like buzzards flying overhead waiting for her to die. But then she told me a secret that they didn’t know. She said, “Heidi, they are going to be in for the shock of their lives after I die! I left them what they have given me in this life….NOTHING!!!….I went to see a lawyer a few months ago, and I left everything I have to the neighbor and his son!” We laughed together and gave each other a high-five. She told me that her attorney was to be in contact with her neighbors, upon her death. She also told me that she had a copy of the will at her house in her safe. Looking back, I think she felt like telling me was another witness, so that her heirs would get what she wanted to give them. She told me that her life’s savings and all of her assets would go to them. She said, I have no debt. They have treated me like I was their own flesh and blood!

Well, from there on out, things started going downhill for Ethel. She got home and started getting around a little, and then came down with the shingles. The shingles are very harsh on an elderly woman. She told me the pain was terrible, and the smell matched the pain. Her neighbor took her in. The family cared for her during her time of need, all the time not knowing her intentions. She told me that she did not tell them. It would be a surprise.

Some time later I had seen her neighbor at the grocery store. He told me that she had passed. I was sorry to hear that . I asked him, “Did you get what she wanted you to have?” He looked at me in amazement, and said, “ You knew?” I said, “Yes, she told me.” He said, “We went to the funeral, and after we got home, I opened the sealed letter that she had given to me. She told me not to open it until after the funeral. She told us in the letter that the 13 acre goat farm, with the 4 bedroom/ 2 bath house was ours, with all contents. She left me the car and my son the pick-up truck. She left us quite a bit of money and so much more. We are so overwhelmed! We never dreamed that this would happen. The letter had the key to her safe in it. She said that I would find all of the legal documents in there, and that I needed to get in contact with the attorney. So I did.”

I asked him if her nieces had given him any trouble. He said that he was expecting it, but they hadn’t. However, he did say that her late husband’s relatives had shown up and were very angry that they didn’t get anything. He gave them the attorney’s name and number and the attorney let them know that everything was exactly as it should be. The neighbor then started the process of remodeling the stone house, and selling his much smaller house. He was the rightful heir….the son that Ethel didn’t give birth to, but treated her as gracious and loving as a son would his precious, aged mother.

WOW!!! The scripture is so true. “Better is a neighbor nearby than a relative who is far away.” Proverbs 27:10 (b). While this exact scenario seems like a needle in a haystack, I have been around long enough to have known of other circumstances like this, but not to this magnitude. Ethel had no children, grandchildren or even nieces who were willing to inconvenience themselves enough to show her the love of familial bonds. They were selfish and she was invisible, until she was nearing the end of life.

It is so sad that there are so many elderly people nowadays who have no one to love them. So many of them have so much love, time, and wisdom in various areas to share. Many of them have a lifetime of experience on how to be a good friend. Her neighbor and his family took the time to be her friend, community and then became family. Why is it that so many people navigate through life alone, cut off from humanity, when a neighbor might live as close as a literal 10 feet away from them? This should not be the case for God’s people. We are called to love more than to make money, have social plans, and entertain ourselves and our families. Some people might think….but, oh, I have kids and they will be bored if we visit an elderly person. My friends, don’t make this crucial mistake. If you want your children to learn how to love and serve others, they first must learn that when they go visiting, they need to wear an apron (literally) …..since they will be serving. The mindset that the world does not revolve around them is the right teaching. They will learn invaluable lessons about life that school and movies cannot teach them. Children are a gift from God. If your children do not know how to serve, they will be “takers”, and feel entitled all of their lives.

So, if you desire to be the hands and feet of Jesus here on this earth….don’t procrastinate, reach out to some of the elderly people around you, especially those who have become isolated by life, death or the pandemic. Don’t do it because you want to get their stuff when they pass, but because from an honest heart, you want to love. You will learn more about friendship and service, and your life and heart will become more full. Don’t let fear of the unknown deter you from taking the first step. It just takes time and effort. Pray, and ask God to help you through it. God’s ways are what is right. “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matt. 22:39b) It’s time to revive them.


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